Family mediation — a plain-English guide to resolving disputes without court

Who this is for. If you are separating or divorcing and you and your ex-partner (or another family member) disagree about children or money, this guide explains family mediation in plain English: what it is, when it helps and when it does not, the mediation meeting you must usually attend before going to court (the MIAM), how to find a mediator, and what it costs. It is written for people representing themselves and does not take sides. It is general information, not legal advice.

Reviewed by Sean McNamara on 2026-10-21

What family mediation actually is

Family mediation is a voluntary, confidential process where you and the other person sit down with a trained, impartial family mediator to talk through your disagreements and try to reach your own agreement — instead of a judge deciding for you.

The key things to understand:

The mediator does not take sides and does not make decisions for you. Their job is to keep the conversation fair, focused, and productive so you can work out an arrangement you are both willing to live with.
It is confidential — what is said in mediation normally stays between you, the other person, and the mediator, and cannot be used against you later in court (with narrow exceptions, for example where there is a risk of significant harm to a child).
It is voluntary — you cannot be forced to agree to anything, and either of you can stop at any time.
It usually needs both of you to take part (though a mediator can sometimes work with you alone — for example in a shuttle arrangement or where the other person will not engage).

This is the heart of it: mediation helps people keep control of their own outcome rather than handing the decision to a court.

When mediation helps — and its limits

Mediation can help with the main areas of family dispute:

Children — where the children will live, how much time they spend with each parent, and practical day-to-day questions (schooling, holidays, communication). Reaching an agreement here is often better for children than months of court proceedings.
Finances — how to divide money, property, pensions, and other assets on separation or divorce; and sometimes maintenance and other money matters.

Its limits (be honest about these):

Mediation deals with what you can agree together. For complex or very contested financial cases, or where you need the protection of a court order (for example a financial consent order to make a property settlement legally binding), you will likely also need a solicitor and, ultimately, the court to finalise the agreement.
A mediated agreement about children is not automatically legally binding. It is usually set out in a written memorandum of understanding from the mediator, and if you want it to be enforceable you may apply to the court for a consent order mirroring it.
It only works if both sides engage in good faith. If one person will not negotiate honestly, or the power imbalance is too great, mediation may not be realistic.
It is not suitable where there is significant domestic abuse or a real risk of harm — see the safety section below.

The MIAM — the meeting you must usually attend before most court applications

Before the family court will accept many child or financial applications, you must usually attend a MIAM — a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting — with an accredited family mediator. It is a legal requirement unless a valid exemption applies.

A MIAM is not mediation. It is a single meeting (in person or online) where a mediator:

explains how mediation and other non-court ways of resolving the dispute work;
helps you think about whether agreeing without court is realistic for your situation; and
can point you to other help and support.

Attending a MIAM does not commit you to mediation — it is an information and assessment meeting. If you attend a MIAM but the other parent does not, you can still go on to apply to court.

You may not have to attend a MIAM (exemptions) in situations including:

you have already attended a MIAM, or tried certain other approved routes, in the last 4 months;
you have evidence you are a victim of domestic abuse;
your child is at risk of harm (for example social services are involved);
the application is urgent, or you are applying for a without-notice hearing;
you are applying for a consent order (you already agree); or
you genuinely cannot attend because of your location, situation, or the mediator's availability.

Claiming an exemption is not a free pass — you mark the relevant box on the form and support it where required. Do not claim an exemption unless it genuinely applies.

How to find a mediator

Family Mediation Council (FMC) — the recognised professional body in England and Wales. Use its FMC register search to find an accredited, FMC-registered mediator in your area: familymediationcouncil.org.uk/fmc-register-search (or use the "find a mediator" search on the FMC home page at familymediationcouncil.org.uk).
Official GOV.UK guidance points to mediation as the place to look for help with child arrangements before going to court, and explains the MIAM, the government mediation voucher, and legal aid (see the official pages linked below).
You can attend a MIAM in person or online, so you are not limited to mediators in your immediate area if geography is a problem.
A mediator should always explain their fees and what you can expect before you commit. Ask about costs, sessions, and timescales up front.

Costs and legal aid for mediation

Costs:

Family mediation is normally charged per session (often per person). Fees vary by mediator, region, and the complexity of your case, so always get the mediator's current fee schedule in writing — do not rely on third-party figures.
At your MIAM, the mediator must tell you about what you would pay for mediation, whether you might qualify for legal aid, and about government support for mediation sessions — including the Family Mediation Voucher Scheme, which (per GOV.UK) provides up to £500 towards the cost of mediation relating to children, usually paying for at least 2 mediation sessions, regardless of income (it cannot be used for the MIAM itself). Government schemes change, so check the current position on the official pages linked below.
Compared with contested court proceedings, which can run to many thousands of pounds in fees and often months or years of hearings, mediation is frequently much cheaper — sometimes a handful of sessions resolves what the court would take many months and far more money to decide.

Legal aid for mediation:

Legal aid is available for family mediation in more situations than it is for family court cases generally. Even if you would not qualify for legal aid to go to court, you may qualify for it to attend a mediation session.
Eligibility usually depends on your financial circumstances (income and capital) and in some cases on the merits of your case. Domestic-abuse survivors in particular may qualify through the family law legal aid gateway.
Check your own position on gov.uk/legal-aid (and the linked legal aid pages) rather than assuming you are or are not eligible. You do not need a solicitor to arrange legal aid for mediation — a mediator can check whether you qualify.

Is mediation for you? The cheaper, calmer path — and when it is not

For many separating couples, mediation is genuinely the cheaper and calmer route:

Cheaper. A few mediation sessions usually cost far less than contested court proceedings, and you may get legal aid or a government voucher to help.
Calmer and quicker. Mediation is typically faster than waiting for court hearings, and it avoids the stress, delay, and conflict of formal proceedings.
Better for children. Arrangements you agree yourselves, in a calm environment, tend to be more workable and less damaging to children than a court-imposed outcome.
You stay in control. You shape the agreement rather than having a judge impose one on you.

But it is not for everyone — and not attending a MIAM is never a reason to be pressured into unsafe mediation:

Safety first. If there has been domestic abuse or you fear for your or your children's safety, mediation is usually not suitable and you do not have to attend a MIAM. The court recognises a victim of domestic abuse exemption. Your safety — and your children's — comes before any process. The court exists to protect you and can make orders without you mediating first.
It needs both of you to engage honestly; if one side will not, it will not work.
You still get your full day in court if you need it. Attending a MIAM does not weaken your case or give the other side an advantage. It is an information step, and you can still apply to court.

A practical way to think about it: treat the MIAM and a mediation session as a low-cost, information-first step — you lose nothing by learning what is possible, and you are free to walk away and apply to court if mediation is not going to work or is not safe for you.

A practical first-steps checklist

[ ] Be clear on safety first — if there is domestic abuse or a real risk of harm to you or a child, do not mediate; note your exemption and seek help (support lines below).
[ ] Find an accredited mediator via the Family Mediation Council — familymediationcouncil.org.uk/fmc-register-search.
[ ] Book your MIAM (in person or online) and ask about fees, sessions, and timescales before you begin.
[ ] See if you qualify for legal aid or a government scheme to help with mediation — check gov.uk/legal-aid.
[ ] Attend the MIAM — remember it is information and assessment, not a commitment, and it satisfies the requirement before most child/financial applications.
[ ] Decide honestly whether mediation fits — if it is safe and both sides will engage, it is often the cheaper, calmer, quicker path. If it is not, apply to court without any need to mediate first.
[ ] Only if you have a child/financial matter going to court — read the child arrangements guide (C100/MIAM/FHDRA) in this directory alongside this one.

Official sources (gov.uk / Family Mediation Council)

Family mediation (official GOV.UK page — MIAM, voucher, legal aid): gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce/mediation
Making child arrangements if you separate (includes mediation and the MIAM): gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce
Legal aid eligibility: gov.uk/legal-aid
Court fees: gov.uk/court-fees-what-they-are · Help with fees: gov.uk/get-help-with-court-fees
Family Mediation Council (register search / find a mediator): familymediationcouncil.org.uk/fmc-register-search · familymediationcouncil.org.uk

This is general information, not legal advice. It is not a substitute for advice from a qualified family-law solicitor or a regulated adviser, and it does not take sides or prejudge any case. Mediation fees, legal-aid rules, and government schemes change — always verify the current position on the official GOV.UK and Family Mediation Council pages linked above before acting. If you believe you or your child are in immediate danger, call the police on 999; if you are a survivor of domestic abuse, contact Refuge (0808 2000 247) or Women's Aid — and do not enter mediation if it is unsafe for you to do so. The family court decides each case on its evidence and on the best interests of the child.

YourFamilyCase is an independent, impartial information resource. We are not part of GOV.UK, HM Courts & Tribunals Service, the Family Mediation Council, or any mediator or agency named or linked in this guide, and we receive no payment or preferment from any mediator, solicitor, or agency. The information here is provided to help you understand the system; it does not replace professional legal advice.