Letters before proceedings — the pre-action protocol for family mediation

Court is the last resort in family disputes, not the first. The Family Procedure Rules

2010, Part 3, require anyone wanting a children or financial order to consider

non-court dispute resolution first — and courts increasingly expect you to show you

did, or to explain why you could not.

REVIEWED BY: Sean McNamara on 2026-08-31

The rule in brief

Family Procedure Rules 2010, Part 3 and Practice Direction 3A set out the court's duty to encourage non-court dispute resolution (NCDR) and the applicant's corresponding duty to consider it before issuing proceedings. There is no mandatory formal "pre-action protocol letter" in family law as there is in civil litigation, but the practical expectation is:

Attend a MIAM (or validly claim an exemption) before most applications
Where safe and appropriate, try mediation, collaborative law, arbitration, or solicitor negotiation first
Where you cannot (abuse, urgency, refusal to engage), be ready to tell the court why, with evidence

Courts can adjourn proceedings, direct you to a MIAM, or comment on your failure to attempt NCDR — and in financial remedy cases, costs consequences can follow from unreasonable refusal to mediate.

Writing a sensible letter before court

Even though not compulsory, a short letter to the other side before you issue an application often avoids court entirely. A good pre-action letter:

1. Sets out, briefly and factually, the issue (e.g. "the children have been with me since 12 June and we have no agreed weekend pattern") 2. States what you are asking for (a concrete proposal, not a grievance list) 3. Offers a route to resolve it: mediation (with a named accredited mediator or the FMC search link), solicitor negotiation, collaborative law, or arbitration for financial matters 4. Gives a reasonable deadline to reply (usually 7–14 days) 5. Notes that if there is no constructive reply, you will consider a court application, attending a MIAM first

Keep it calm. This letter is likely to be shown to a judge later — write it as if the judge will read it, because they may.

Exemptions — when the expectation does not apply

Practice Direction 3A exempts cases involving:

Domestic abuse (with evidence from the PD3A evidence menu — police call-outs, injunctions, medical letters, support service referrals, convictions)
Urgency (child about to be removed abroad, immediate welfare risk)
The other party's refusal or failure to respond/attend a MIAM
A MIAM already attended within the last 4 months about the same dispute
Certain international cases and cases where the other party's whereabouts are unknown

Document everything: if you invite the other side to mediation and they refuse, keep the refusal — it supports both your FM1 exemption and any later costs or conduct argument.

What the court can do if you skip the process

At issue, the court checks your FM1 (MIAM form). If it is absent or an exemption is not credible, the court may:

Return or dismiss the application
Direct attendance at a MIAM before proceeding
List the case but mark the point at the first hearing

In financial remedy proceedings, the court's broader duty to encourage settlement means an unexplained refusal to try mediation can feature in costs arguments (see H v H and later case law; unreasonable conduct includes refusing NCDR without good reason).

Non-court options compared

| Option | Best for | Notes | |---|---|---| | Mediation | Parents who can sit (or video-call) together safely | Facilitator, not decision-maker; up to £500 voucher for children matters | | Collaborative law | Couples committed to settling without court | Round-table meetings, both with lawyers | | Arbitration | Financial remedy speed/privacy | Binding decision by an arbitrator (IAML) | | Solicitor negotiation | Most cases | Familiar, but can escalate costs | | Private FDR | Financial cases past disclosure | Paid neutral 'judge' gives an opinion |

Safety first

If there is domestic abuse, you are not expected to negotiate directly. Use a solicitor, a mediator who separates sessions (shuttle mediation), or claim the abuse exemption with proper evidence. Never let the "try mediation first" norm pressure you into unsafe contact.

Official links

FPR Part 3 and PD3A: https://www.justice.gov.uk/courts/procedure-rules/family
Family mediation (gov.uk): https://www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce/mediation
Mediation voucher scheme: https://www.gov.uk/guidance/family-mediation-voucher-scheme
Find a mediator: https://www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk
Legal aid for family mediation: https://www.gov.uk/check-legal-aid

This page is general information, not legal advice. YourFamilyCase.co.uk is an independent information directory and is not affiliated with HMCTS or gov.uk.

Content verified against the official HMCTS court directory, gov.uk forms and fees pages, and the professional body registers (SRA, FMC, Bar Council). Last reviewed September 2026.