Letterbox contact and staying in touch after adoption

REVIEWED BY: Sean McNamara on 2026-09-01

What letterbox contact is

After a child is adopted, birth family contact is usually not face-to-face. Instead, many adoption agencies run a letterbox service: an indirect contact scheme where letters, cards and small gifts are exchanged between the birth family and the adoptive family, forwarded by the agency with names and addresses removed.

How it typically works

The exchange frequency (often once or twice a year) is set out in the contact agreement made around the time of the adoption order.
Both sides send items to the adoption agency, which checks content (removing identifying details where the agreement says so) and forwards it.
The agreement is usually an expectation rather than a legally enforceable order, but courts expect adoptive placements to honour it, and agencies mediate when either side stops.

What birth relatives can send

Updates on your life, health, family circumstances.
Photographs of siblings, birthday and festival cards.
A letter answering questions a child asked years earlier.
Anything that could identify where you live (addresses, school names, landmarks) must follow the agreement's rules — agencies screen for this.

What adoptive families send

Progress updates: how the child is doing at school, interests, health.
Photos of the child (per the agreement).
Replies to questions the birth family asked.

Changing or restarting contact

Contact agreements can be reviewed — ask the agency for a review meeting; some young people, at 16+, seek direct information about birth family members.
If contact lapsed years ago, it can usually be restarted by contacting the agency that handled the adoption (or the regional adoption agency that took over its records).
Adoption support duties apply to adoptive families and (in some respects) to birth relatives; the adoption support fund can pay for therapeutic services.

For birth relatives struggling with the loss

Specialist birth-parent counselling exists through several charities; ask the agency for referrals.
Support groups for birth mothers and fathers run nationally — the agency or your GP can signpost.
Grief after adoption is real and recognised; it is not failure to seek help.

Official links

https://www.gov.uk/child-adoption (adoption overview and support)
https://www.first4adoption.org.uk/ (government-backed information service)
https://www.adoptionuk.org/

This page is general information, not legal advice. YourFamilyCase.co.uk is an independent information directory and is not affiliated with HMCTS or gov.uk.

Content verified against the official HMCTS court directory, gov.uk forms and fees pages, and the professional body registers (SRA, FMC, Bar Council). Last reviewed September 2026.