Digital safety and evidence when separating from a controlling partner

REVIEWED BY: Sean McNamara on 2026-09-01

Why this matters

Controlling partners frequently use technology: reading messages, tracking location, demanding passwords, posting threats, or flooding a victim with calls and messages. Technology-facilitated abuse is recognised as part of coercive and controlling behaviour, which is a criminal offence and relevant to protective orders and child welfare decisions.

Secure your accounts first

1. Change passwords from a device the other person cannot access — a library computer, a trusted friend's phone. Do not change everything at once from a shared device; they may notice. 2. Turn off account sharing: many streaming, cloud and email accounts stay logged in across devices. Check active sessions in account security settings and sign out everywhere. 3. Two-factor authentication on email first (email resets everything else), then banking, then social media. 4. Location sharing: review and disable "find my family", car apps, fitness sharing, and any device-level location consent (iPhone/Android settings). 5. Smart home and trackers: shared accounts can control cameras, doorbells, and connected cars. Consider resetting devices and changing account ownership; an AirTag or similar found in a bag or car is evidence, not paranoia.

Preserve evidence before it disappears

Screenshot with visible dates and keep originals (export chat histories where the app allows).
Save messages to a cloud account the other person cannot reach, or email copies to yourself at an account they never access.
Keep a dated log: date/time, platform, what was said, screenshot reference.
Do not alter, crop or retype messages — courts trust originals; edited images are attacked at hearings.
Do not reply abusively: your responses become evidence too. A calm "stop contacting me" then silence is stronger.

Court-related uses

A pattern of hundreds of unwanted messages supports a non-molestation order (free to apply for) and can be breached-evidence later.
In children proceedings, show the messages as exhibits (bundled, paginated) rather than reading from a phone.
Ask the court for special measures: separate entrance/waiting rooms, screens, or remote attendance so you never have to negotiate a shared corridor.

If you are the accused

Read-only discipline: do not delete anything (spoliation looks like guilt), stop all non-essential contact, and route necessary child communication through a structured channel (a co-parenting app or agreed email format) that creates its own clean record.

Official links

https://www.gov.uk/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help
https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/ (National Domestic Abuse Helpline)
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/how-to-separate/

This page is general information, not legal advice. YourFamilyCase.co.uk is an independent information directory and is not affiliated with HMCTS or gov.uk.

Content verified against the official HMCTS court directory, gov.uk forms and fees pages, and the professional body registers (SRA, FMC, Bar Council). Last reviewed September 2026.